Hair dishevelled, eyes alight,
She is a woman quite a sight.
Though beyond her beauty her true wealth lies,
If you have the vision to see past her guise.
Her wisdom is in her deep belly knowing
That her soul is forever growing.
Ever unfolding buds to blossom,
Let this wisdom be a caution.
To dance her rhythm is to awaken,
A journey many others have forsaken.
Whether bright as sun or black as hole,
This life’s living is for the evolution of soul.
She took the risk to heed the call,
And from grand heights she did fall.
In a perilous darkness she did stray,
WIth only the light of her heart to guide the way.
Through swamp and thicket, blood and tears,
One after one she faced her fears.
The light of her heart grew bigger and brighter,
The strength of the darkness ever slighter.
Finally the kingdom of truth was revealed,
Only in light will light be concealed.
Therefore darkness is a gift to the seeker,
Whose mission on earth is to be a teacher.
Guiding us to the light in our own hearts,
Which can only be seen, when from the light, one parts.
Once, while in the South of India I got head lice pretty bad. The little guys were already grown-ups before I finally admitted to myself that the itching sensation I had been feeling for weeks was not dandruff or some adverse effect to the climate but rather a feast of sorts. The time came to do something proactive about it and so I went out and got a poison shampoo to unceremoniously kill them all.
While I was waiting for this shampoo to activate its lethal properties and annihilate all of the bugs, my head suddenly became a bedlam of activity. The lice were literally having a feeding frenzy, sensing that there death was imminent, they wanted to take as much with them as they could before they were gone. Life, in whatever form, has a tenacious capacity to fight and cling for its longevity.
I am experiencing another kind of feeding frenzy that reminds me of those little critters although this time I’m beginning to understand that things that are dying within us take their strongest hold before they are gone completely. In the weeks past an old love of mine, a person with whom I had built an empire of stories with, resurfaced after literally vanishing from the face of my planet many moons ago. This ghost of my past has been like a bad hangover, except it didn’t leave with a couple of tylenol or a good night’s rest. Rather he has lingered in the shadows and resurfaced at the most untimely of moments in my life, where it all but appeared that I was ready to burst forth into a new climax of awesome.
Intrinsically, I know that it is not him that I cling to, but the symbol of him that is asking to be released. That symbol possibly runs the gamut of feeling unlovable to the fear of living my potential, though not knowing its source doesn’t hinder the clean up process. We humans are a collection of stories, some that bring joy to memory and others that reveal wounds where some trauma occurred. The origins of these trauma can be ancestral, familial, and personal, and often times we experience these wounds as a loss of our soul’s power. The stories which cause us heartache may reveal threads to an even deeper core wound and in order to sever these threads we must break from the ‘part’ we have chosen to play in this narrative and extract all the intrusions of negative thought that have accumulated in our consciousness. It is not uncommon to come up against a lot of fear in letting go of your long held myths, as many of them may feel vital to who you believe you are. In order to truly come into your full potential it is essential to release all stories and identities which no longer serve you.
I am certain that I would not be so deeply affected now if it was not for the very fact that something is dying within and I must feel the depth of that wound completely before it is healed for good. Some days that feels like a gargantuan task to undertake, in spite of understanding that I will not be able to achieve true freedom without enduring this process. When I stop nourishing this narrative, it will go hungry for a time, and finally seek sustenance elsewhere. As a seeker of truth and one with responsibility to her findings, it is of utmost importance that I plunge myself deeply into this, ramp up my weaponry and unleash my fury on these unwanted little beasts.
Goodbyes are never easy, as we depart as much from a piece of ourselves as we do from others. Yet, as that silhouette fades silently into the sunset you can be assured that the dawn will illuminate a new day full with possibility.
Marseilles, France, 2008
In Greenland, Kaperlak is one of the four seasons of the year - the time when the sun falls below the horizon and will not be seen in its entirety for roughly three months. This is a natural phenomenon that occurs in all places within the Arctic Circle. The “polar night” is a time of stillness, solitude and introversion for most, though life carries on as usual for the hardiest of peoples.
I’m starting to feel a bit like I have "Kaperlak of the Soul" as darkness has reigned in my world for awhile now. The farther I move from my centre where light and dark remain in equal measures, the closer I come to either of the poles where emotions prevail in exhausting extremeties.
In the depths of Kaperlak I have discovered that darkness intrinsically has no power, as it truly is simply the absence of the light. However, there is something powerful in my ability to navigate my internal landscape with my new found night vision and wrestle with those shadows and mental projections which seem only to be able to take firm hold in the un-illuminated.
I sense that the midnight sun is not far away, and in a moment I might swing wildly to the ‘polar opposite’. Surely I will be there to greet the glowing disc’s return with a renewed reverence for its life giving capacity and its power to dispel the all consuming black. Though, for the moment I just feel like taking my time in the dark depths of soul exploration, that when I return from such an arduous journey I will most certainly come bearing gifts.
If you too are a sufferer of Kaperlak of the Soul, be sure to take lots of leisurely baths with essential oils, smudge with your favourite incense, pray regularly, light candles, pull tarot cards, write nice messages to people you love, listen to sad music, read your old diaries, look at old photos, cry in your pillow, feel those feelings and finally put on your coat and go for a chilly midnight walk to stare at the full moon. In due time you will realize that some gifts may only be born of the darkness!
Changtang, Ladakh, 2010